Day Twenty-Six: “Interesting Facts About Toasters”

Interesting Facts About Toasters
-Dan Gualtieri

Toasters were invented
about seven hundred years
ago by then-British ruler
Edward III, who desired
his bread to be charred
to a precise, maximally
delicious consistency.
Toasters are often
the cause of spikes
in a household electrical
bill, as the superheated
plasma generation
necessary for their
operation is extremely
energy-inefficient. They
are said to sometimes act
as habitations for spectral
haunting, as ghosts
are drawn to the memory
of breakfasts past. It is
theorized that only five
powered toasters dropped
into the Gulf of Mexico
simultaneously would
electrocute all known
saltwater marine life
(except for the electric
eels).

 

Note: for National Poetry Writing Month, I am writing a series of poems named after and inspired by the titles of deleted Wikipedia articles. I am indebted to the @DeletedWiki Twitter bot, which automatically tweets a selection of these titles.

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